8 things that will cause fights in your relationship from an experienced relationship counsellor

empathy fights relationship fight understanding your partner May 20, 2023

I woke up thinking today about why people fight in relationships. 

Sometimes there is seemingly no rhyme or reason to it. 

Do you ever feel perplexed as to why you sometimes fight with your spouse? 

Everything seems happy and calm, and then bam! Out of nowhere, you are fighting (what even happened?!).

Other times you can’t seem to stop fighting or come to a resolution. 

You go around and around fighting about the same old thing and never getting anywhere.

This is all too common.

So how did you get to that place?

Here’s how; here are the 8 things that will cause fights in your relationship:

  1. Not listening to your partner.
  1. Not checking for understanding or meaning. 
  1.  Not clearly articulating what you think, feel or mean. 
  1. Not showing empathy for the other person (even if you do not think or feel the same way as them, you can still display empathy!)
  1. Not having a team mentality! 
  1. Automatically assuming your partner is not on your side or has ill intentions towards you. 
  1. Not understanding your partner’s values or value stacking (finding out how your values support theirs and vice versa)- this is a big game changer in stopping fights. 
  1. Not making your relationship the No 1 priority. 

Underneath all the fights, arguments and tension, there is always a reason, and often it is not what you are fighting about at the time; it goes deeper.

Your partner may feel unheard, unloved, stressed, judged, and full of tension, or there may be many unsolved arguments from the past that are coming up as nitpicking fights about seemingly nothing.

If you think the fight is about nothing and ongoing, it is not about nothing!

Take the time to ask how your spouse is feeling. What are they thinking, or what is going on for them?

If you do this right, it will be a worthy investment that will pay dividends for years. 

Relationships will always have fights, but it is about reducing your fight frequency and fighting smarter so no one gets hurt (yes, this is possible). 

Do you need to have more of a team mentality? Do you need to listen better and check you understand what your partner is saying before you get cranky?

Can’t wait to hear from you!

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*This information is for informational purposes only and is not advice or intended to treat or diagnose medical/mental health issues.

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